CoRneY’s fidO widO bloGGie

-The moment of separating is meant for the sake of the next gathering-

This saying is translated from chinese >< The meaning is obvious but how true is it?

It’s absolutely true that every meet brings happiness. Meeting yr family members from far away is a bless ; Meeting yr relatives and cousins from another place brings excitement ; Get to know a stranger and becoming new friends is a joy ; Meeting yr long-separated loved one brings hope. God lets different people appearing around us at a fated moment, whether good or bad, there’s a purpose in it. That person may influence you or you may influence that person forever. But all in all, eventually, you all still have to depart one day. The joy is soon be covered by the detestable unbearable feeling.

A national service camper can tell you, at the first few days everyone’s so so so so reluctant to enter the camp a.k.a the three-month prison. Making new friends do help to adapt to the place and make life easier inside. But when it comes to the graduation day, so many ppl have dehydration due to losing too much tears, so sad about departing and leaving all the buddies who had been gettin along with so well for 3 long months. In primary or secondary sch, friends play such an important role in building one’s character, accompany one to face n’ overcome all the smooth or rocky teenage pathways. On the farewell day, sigh.. what else can be said but the same bad feeling again. Every child need to leave his parents and family to the next destination of life. These are common phenomenon.

Another Chinese saying’s popular, 天下无不散之宴席. It probably infers that every banquet has a dismiss. It’s impossible for you to stay with any person or persons forever as you like. The separating can be just a temporary one or for ever which relates to life or death. We humans are fated to face all these. There’re four types of tastes used to describe these feelings: Sour, Sweet, Bitter, Spicy. These four feelings make our lives interesting and not a dull one which only contain one of `em.

We can never escape nor to have the right to control over all these, as i repeat, all these are fated, so why are we mind all these too much, just take `em easy and it will make us a happy person. It all depends on how a person treat ‘em.

A separation can be a test, preparing for a better, sweeter fruit in a future; it can also be an intention to make someone independant; it also can be a good experience, a wide knowledge gained; it can make a person grow, & many many more. The suffering at first might be followed by an unexpected result. So what to do? Look further, look at the brighter side n’ one will feel better. Looking forward next gathering do feel good although it might not stay too long =)

Reaching this age when you gotta help yourself with most of the stuffs. Its no longer a good idea in depending on others too much like managing yr rotten mood, impossible to ask for everyone’s opinion before making a decision no matter big or small.

Through trials n errors, experiences, im more likely to accept a truth, a simple one ->For everything that happens, there’s a purpose in it <-. Sooner or later the result can be seen.

For instance:

You failed your exam - there’s a purpose in it

You are born in this family -there’s a purpose in it

You meet this guy/gal at this moment at this place - there’s a purpose in it

You can’t get him/her - there’s a purpose in it

This venture of yours is ruined, all of yr hardwork’s wasted - there’s a purpose in it

A loving couple is fated to be separated by distance - there’s a purpose in it

You lose yr job - there’s a purpose in it

You can’t decide your own future - there’s a purpose in it

You can’t fulfill your dreams -there’s a purpose in it

In our lives, for all those things happen, no matter positive or negative ones, we have no choice at all but to accept with an opened heart. If thats what we wished in the first place, praise Lord; if thats another way round, God’ll prepare a better one at the back, just wait for the sweeter fruit to ripe.

In fact it isn’t an easy task 2 maintain yr optimistic thinking, when one’s moodless n de reason’s undescribable even by her/his own, its hard to heal. You still hafta look normal in other ppl’s eyes, cheerful, laughs with them, do all the crazy things together, til nobody discovers the pain in yr heart, so dat other ppl won’t be burdened. But its better to avoid sentimental music that can touches the emptiness of yr heart, else sourness will just flood all over yr heart til its reli hard to stand. U can’t jus allow yr eyes to be wet anytime u like esp in the public, thus the only solution is to wait, stand and hide as hard as you can, choose to burst in a suitable, quiet, lonely time & environment.

Taking a deep breath is helpful. It ceases yr anxiety, nervousness, unhappiness n most importantly ‘delay’ the moment of collapsing. In numerous cases n situations, this’s gonna help a lot. Temporarily forgetin` yr prob by doing smth else can help s well, like shopping, having a real sumptuous meal, concentrating in a task, share this with a trusted buddy, talk over the phone s long s u like despite the tel bill is bursting.. hm.. all in all the way is to find the source n solve it.. right ?

Finally it’s the end of my dreadful second trial! Following this will be the real SPM exam in less than one month. Anyway, the feeling of  relief after exam is too good, just indescribable, although knowing smth more tough’s coming ahead, but half of the burden’s released. During this three long weeks my life’s just within my sch, home, and church. As if my world’s just dat big. Anyway, it won’t be too long anymore, will be over soon =)

  This kind of excitement can hardly be felt by other non-students. Why? Cuz their daily routine are about the same, that kind of monotonous schedule won’t be as exciting as sch’s life. Agree? Without d` exam pressure that haunts yr thinking all d` while, you won’t reli treasure the wondrous of lack-of-stress feeling. In another way, what make us feel precious most are things that we’ve lost once and gained all over again. It’s the same tat applies to everything, everyone’s around us rite now. Normally touching stories and movies can’t be avoided to inspire us that we MUST treasure our friends, loved-ones, family members b4 too late n never take them by granted. Not til the day smth o someone leave us and we repeat the same plot of those stories..

   Oh well, not only dat, without blocked nose, we seldom discover how wonderful 4 us to breath freely and d` air’s always extraordinarily refreshing after d recovery. Only when we’re having sorethroat, we long to enjoy eating without pain.

   Here’s a story adapted from one of my pastor’s sermons —————-

             For once there was an angel who was hanging around in this world, hoping to bring bliss and happiness to humans. The angel saw a farmer who was sad over his dead cow. After giving him a new living cow, the farmer thanked the angel profusely for the joy she’ve brought n` the angel left happily. With this, she’d brought numerous joy to other ppl in need. Until one day she met a handsome poet who’re locked in worries and sadness. The poet claimed that he couldn’t find the bliss in his life and felt reli dull over everything as he couldn’t find the true meaning he lived for. After observing longer, the angel discovered that the poet not only owned a nice-looking face, a brain full of knowledge, he also has a charming wife .. This is real challenging for the angel to solve the poet’s prob. After thinking for a long time, finally she had a brainstorm. Using the power she had, she took away the young poet’s gorgeous appearance, his knowledge, his wife, his every everything and left him along suffering from hungers and sickness. After a few months when she’s back, staring at the pitiful poet, she decided to return everything to him. Well now, the poet no longer becomes as moody as before, never ever allow the dissatisfaction conquer his mind, in fact he could be the happiest man in this world. When he bumped into the angel again, he expressed his heartiest gratitude to the angel to help him understand that à The greatest bliss in life is to appreciate everything he has     …

   ***

  This is making me run outta space, but I reli like this story. Every hardship we face now is actually training us to become a better person, to reach a high achievement, a test from God. The fruits of bitter hardworks are always always always the sweetest. Apart from u no one else’s able to feel it. When we think we’re very pitiful, tired over smth, try to look further, many ppl who hav less fortune might be living more contentedly than we do. The only explanation is dat they’re satisfied and appreciate everything.

  That’s why im kinda anticipating the true yuckie, detestable exam to come, wanna get over it soon, cuz after it ends…. Wuahahahahahaz..@ I’m gonna be d happiest person as well. La la la Well before that, let me throw everything behind my head first, gonna enjoy myself over this week before bucking myself up with d tiring revisions again….

wow.. it’s been so long before i last updated my blog. In between this i’ve gotton over many things. i had been fallen very ill b4, lotsa things happened to me and ppl around me, my 17th birthday =)))) n` an exam’s over@

Being sicked was so scary. Absent from sch for one whole week, almost coughed my lungs and organs out, fever almost burnt my brain (jk), visited doc late at nite on my b`day@ what an experience..  I’ve looked for 4 doctors totally to heal my stubborn illness, taken 20+ over types of medics and i could become a medic safe already.. heez/..      Btw, being sick is good too…! I can escape from sch (hiak hiak), hws, exams.. bla bla bla All i hav to do is to sleep x3, thats what everyone reminded me to do and i folo v closely >_< I received more cares than i’ve ever had, err.. sometimes felt quite xin fu when many ppl ring ring and asked –> Are you feelin` betta? <–    –> do take k yea<– All these acts of concerns touched me so much and warmth my heart thoroughly.

Move onto my b`day.. This was real unforgettable. Though sicked, i’ve to thank everyone around me.. my parents, my bro, my boy, my friends, my relatives.. Love u all sooo much and miss eu! I’ve received a numbers of handmade presents n cards carrying along so priceless affords and sincerity. Tell ya this’s the most wonderful b`day i’d eva had in muh life..

As spm’s drawing closer and closer, im making myself more and more relax. Happy go lucky yeah? What’ll happen after exam and what shud i do after that i still dun wanna think about it. This reminds me on how.. ‘lucky’ i am to be chosen to do d` dumb, boring national service. Oh my.. snatch my most precious holiday away n` ruined all my ideal holiday plans.. sigh sigh sigh** ok.. accept it, sure will be beneficial too rite? When im back im sure my teeth’ll be much much fairer, in contrast of my skin, dats horrible.. haah. Fate..

End this with a poem written by a friend of mine. Thanks Jensen! I wanna delicate this to all other ns participants

Though you got into second batch;
Worry not, for it is God’s decision;
Not always, good things you can snatch;
Not a good timing, maybe a good location.

Why feel sad?
Over just 3 months of life?
It’ll only make your day bad.
So be happy and alive!!

–

Saw my ex pri sch classmate on d newspaper, carrying trophies and certificates; her face’s lightened up by a smile of pride as she’s received high esteem to be so successful in national competitions. Well.. its not my first time seeing her in newspaper eversince we departed to different sec schs.

But if i tell u i feel nth about it, i know im lying. I often start wondering whether i’ve made the wrong decision for not enterin catholic high. I can still vividly remember after our UPSR exam, she invited me to join catholic high with her, a sch which i’ve been aiming to enter since primary one. All because Chinese used to be my favourite subj, but just due to one slight reason, i changed my mind and entered metho, broke my promise with her and we din contact much after that. In her sch, there’re plenty qualified trainers who are experienced in training debaters, speech contestants n etc. I’d been active in this career in pri sch with her n in fact we were once gd competitors in speech contests. Of course, she’s gettin` more and more successful than before, having representing her sch in numerous contests in national level, being a celebrity in her sch.

On d other hand, me, a not very extraordinary student in this famous sch as well (haha) didn’t mark a very excellent sch result, nvr bring glory to sch n is suspected to have severe psycho stage-fright lately, is kinda lack of confidence. I start to imagine how will i become if last time i choose d same sch with her: *smiles*..

oh wait, my life isn’t too bad in this sch, i have lotsa lotsa lotsa lotsa frens acc me, some even being my bestest buddies for more than 11 YRS! friendship is pRICEleSS rite?? i won’t be able to meet my dear there..is that what which is given to me in return 4 choosin this path? o yea i guess so. Mayb my English will become terrible in dat sch ( who knows..lol) n just mayb i won’t be as happy as now. Back to reality, shudn’t hav think so much, be contented 2 myself now.. hm. miss eu B-)

     Sometimes i feel lucky to be who i am, to be where i am and what i have. Luckily i still appreciate and treasure everything i own. When someone comes and grumbles to me bout how unfair she’s been treated, how unwillingly she’s forced to face certain condition, i’ll often sigh in relief deep inside my heart, "i seldom face these before".

     Being the only girl in this family, undeniably i can be lonely sometimes, without a partner to share my heart anytime anywhere anyhow, no one to share my clothes with, or even my happiness and sadness. Brothers are more immersed in their own world, a world different from mine. Strong envy on my frens to hav sis to acc them, being their listeners at home.. hm, dats over i guess, i’ve accepted wud i hav after all these childhood’s thought. When i think positively, o ya, i never face a situation when my parents would have bias or favouritism among their children. Never will there be any unhappiness when we got to share things cuz mine’s always the more unique overall, hiak hiak//..

     The most lucky thing in my life is dat im bornt in this christian family, the best gift i’ve ever had ever since im part of this house. God enters my life Himself before i seek for him. Thanks God Having considerate parents who do not aim unlogically high about my results, give me appriopriate freedom, trust n respect me.. the list goes on n on..

     Move onto myself, though i m not too pretty, not like most of d girls at my age.  Though having real dark skin, i still thank God cuz im not too ugly =) Being so over-’tan’ might contrasts my difference from others ( Just 2 comfort myself..hehez) Well, my social life isn’t too bad, at least i dare to speak, easy to mix around with frens and ain’t lonely at all in public. Most of all, there’s somebody significant in my life caring about me in distance. Love eu =0 so i discover im lack of nth rite now, i feel lucky all becuz im satisfied with what i have. Wanna express my heartiest heartfelt gratefulness 2 everyone..

     Never had i use the comp so often in a day this yr. Mayb its jus kind of an inertia which stopped me from gettin` away from my seat. o mayb… lemme see, 22 days to go to my Spm second trial, and 45 more days from Spm real exam. At this moment, which good student will still stick their face on this square screen? Very obvious, im not a gd one =\ btw, i’ve lost my path in what i shud do right at this moment. Bury myself in those smelly n stale books whole day? play comp n avoid revision? or just continue my daydreaming, lying on my bed doing nth.

     "What’s yr plan after SPM?", oh gosh, the ques i fear most. Asking this to a baby with a total blank mind, not knowin` how to speak, still under d full guidance of her parents n` never been exposed to d outside world before, what do u think she’ll reply? hmm ..Form six? D choice my mom loves me to choose the most. i`m sure she’ll be happy til havin insomnia if i take tis one. A level or furthur foundation? excuse me.. what do i wana study? pharmacist? like most parents aim 4? medic? my gdness..HELLO? my bio’s the poorest n` yuckiest subj in my report bk. what else do i hav ? i duno..

     oh ya what about physics, sounds like i prefer phys than bio but wait, my phys’s performance’s just slightly better than the poorest one *lost hope* perhaps i suit commerce more, who knows.. In Sibu this small town, even ten fingers can conclude what typical parents would hope their children to study. But are you sure the space is small limited?? Only doctors will hav good future? Funny.

     I wanna be exposed more to whats happening outside but i just can’t get the source, all i know is kampua’s price’s increasing each yr..nth else i can do, time flies flies n flies. Just in a blink of an eye *oops* It’s the time to make this important decision again. I’m given too much freedom from my parents til i lost my aim. Em.. can’t help, thats life. Facing too much choices n` a simple decision can decide yr future. ouch.. dun wanna think about it anymore, ciao

     tues: what kind of mood i hav today, i dono, thats d worst part of me, always the last person to understand myself. Its still a same old school day, having half a day trapped in sch n there i wonder what joy is. Is a smile simply showin` someone who’s in great joy? or issit someone’s who’s not smiling doesn’t own a joy at d moment ? im doubtful. Having lotsa moody persons around me,im suffocated. No one can escape from the tension n probs in life. I can handle it, why not u all?

     A smile on yr face not only can throw yr prob outta yr mind for a moment, its contagious enuf to bring joy to everyone around u. At least tat’s what i’ve been thinking all d while. in d contrary, smelly face is reli helpless. jus a useless warning tellin everyone u’re on fire. what else? when caring comes, never take `em for granted. Accept it, appreciate it and yr life will be painted with joyous colour.  Do learn dat other ppl doesn’t have the duty to cheer u up .

     its not my habit to publish my mood on my face, din do dat deliberately though but im sure this indeed is d best way to ease probs, won’t burden other ppl n all in all.. life still goes on. rite? At d very right moment, throw all those things out verbally 2 someone n u’ll feel much ok, wanna see another day of joy n cheers n hopes tomoro.just step forward n observe closely, you know, life is wonderfuL..